What’s wrong with classics like “Mike”, “Ashley”, or “John”?
Whether its due to celebrity trend-following, eccentricity, cultural misunderstanding, or sheer parental lunacy – here are the 10 weirdest names we’ve come across, so far:
1. Dick Assman
Dick Assman of Regina, Canada became a minor celebrity when he was discovered by David Letterman in 1995. Although Assman pronounces his last name “Uzzman”, that hasn’t stopped him from cashing in on the “Assman” fame at his gas-station (undoubtedly the most famous gas station in Saskatchewan).
Dick Assman on The Letterman Show Pt1
Dick Assman on The Letterman Show Pt2
2. Batman Bin Suparman
This lucky Javanese man had the good fortune of being named after not one, but 2 DC superheroes.
He probably didn’t feel so lucky in the schoolyard, but who knows, even bullies know not to mess with Batman right?
These Chinese parents decided that a traditional Chinese hanzi (Chinese characters) wasn’t good enough for their child. Instead, they named their child the common typographic symbol “@”. According to the father of this poor child:
The whole world uses it to write e-mails and translated into Chinese it means ‘love him,’
Interestingly, the word “at” sounds nothing like the Chinese for “love him” (ai ta), unless you say it with a Chinese accent. I wonder what “#” means in Chinese….
Here’s one you can’t blame on the parents.
Christopher Garrett was a youth outreach worker at PETA in 2005. That’s when he decided to change his name to support PETA’s campaign against animal abuse by KFC (then Kentucky Fried Chicken).
Apparently, Chris promised his mother he would change his name back after the campaign was over. Apparently, his parents also insisted on calling him “Chris” throughout, despite his newly minted identity. Talk about unsupportive!
5.”The child whose name shall not be spoken”
The child who would later become known as Albin spent the first 5 years of his life without a registered name. His parents were protesting the naming law in Sweden, which required that children be named by the age of 5 with name approval given by the Swedish government.
After the parents were fined 5,000 Kronor (approximately $682 USD at the time) for not naming their child, they named him “Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116″ – a 43 character, unpronounceable name. The parents claimed it was a “pregnant, expressionistic development that we see as an artistic creation”.
Sadly, while Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 would have been higher on our list, the Swedish authorities rejected the name. The parents then changed the child’s name to “A” (pronounced as “albɪn”), but that was also rejected.
Ultimately, the parents settled on the officially registered name of “Albin Hallin”, but we know he’ll always be Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 in their hearts.
6. God Shammgod
God is here, and he plays for the Washington Wizards. Or at least, he used to.
God Shammgod played a short stint in the NBA for the Washington Wizards in 1997-1998. He also played several seasons in the Chinese Basketball Association, Poland, and Saudi Arabia.
While God went by Shammgod Wells throughout high school, in college, he was told he would have to go by his legal name of God Shammgod unless he had an official namechange. Since God didn’t have the $600 for the legal name change, Shammgod Wells was no more.
Apparently, God is also on Myspace.
7. Pilot Inspektor
We can only assume that Hollywood has a secret contest to see who can give their child the most absurd name.
If that’s the case, we may have a winner. Actor Jason Lee of “My Name Is Earl” fame and actress Beth Riesgraf (Leverage) named their child Pilot Inspektor.
Apparently, they were inspired by the song “He’s Simple, He’s Dumb, He’s Pilot” by the indie band Grandaddy.
He’s Simple, He’s Dumb, He’s Pilot Inspektor.
8. GoldenPalaceDotcom Silverman
From tattoing their logo on the backs of fighters, to buying expensive grilled-cheese sandwiches that look like the virgin Mary, The Golden Palace casino is well known for their odd publicity stunts.
In 2005, the internet casino managed to find a couple of irresponsible parents who named their child after their internet casino for a mere $15,000.
9. Autumn Sullivan Corbett Fitzsimmons Jeffries Hart Burns Johnson Willard Dempsey Tunney Schmeling Sharkey Carnera Baer Braddock Louis Charles Walcott Marciano Patterson Johansson Liston Clay Frazier Foreman Brown
Autumn Brown is an unusual name, but not quite weird enough to make any top 10 lists. That is, unless you include her 25 middle names with comprise of former boxing champions.
Perhaps even weirder is that this isn’t an isolated incident – apparently its a family tradition amongst the Brown clan. Her Aunt Becky was named after 34 British heavyweight boxers, her Uncle Brian acquired his namesake from 42 bare-knuckle boxers.
Autumn herself inherited her 25 pugilistic middle names from her mother Maria, who was given the name by her parents. Think they were boxing fans?
10. War Machine
2 time UFC veteran and one-time porn star Jon Koppenhaver legally changed his name to his MMA nickname, “War Machine”, after TNA Wrestling gave him legal hassle over rights to his nickname.
Turns out, the nickname is quite apt. ”War Machine” is as well known for his fighting outside of the cage as he is inside. From a 2007 parking lot scuffle where he choked a man unconscious, to a 2008 felony conviction for assault and mattery, a bizarre 2009 incident where War Machine reportedly went crazy at porn star Brooke Haven’s birthday bash and beat up several male pornstars, a 2009 incident where he shoved a female bar owner who questioned the validity of his identification (there aren’t a lot of people legally named “War Machine”), he ended up in jail after he beat up a bouncer in 2010.
Throughout his legal troubles, War Machine has been active on Twitter and his blog, sending out gems like:
Fuck…last night was NOT good…lil’ misunderstanding and then WM was back in effect and the bodies hit the floor. I’m fucked…Pretty sure my porn days are over. Prolly be going to jail too…when they find me…haha!
The oppression of MEN is worse than oppression of Jews in Nazi germany, worse than the slavery of Blacks in early America… I’m not exaggerating either